Infidelity is one of the main reasons why relationships and marriages fail. According to Theresa E DiDonato Ph.D., “Infidelity can wreak havoc on a relationship.” Because of it, the confidence, bond, and trust that was once shared merely shatter into pieces in just one snap. And though how much a couple tries or how many years have passed after the discovery of infidelity, still, the pain brought by that wrongdoing lingers. Even after decades, the lousy moment keeps on recurring and can destroy the harmony at any time.
“Most people would agree that being authentic and transparent interactions with one’s intimate partner is essential to a successful long-term relationship,” according to Randi Gunther Ph.D. While browsing through Facebook, I saw a short note with an image of a young man and a woman almost kissing each other.
Cheating and lying are grounds for huge fights and heated arguments that may or may not end up in separation. According to John M. Grohol, Psy.D, “Cheating, as people soon discover, is complicated.” However, there are subtle, yet surprising behaviors or habits that partners do which can wreck a healthy marriage.
You’re Never Wrong
Even if the world ends, you’ll never apologize. “I’m sorry” is not something that you say, even if you are on the wrong side of the argument. You do not acknowledge that your partner’s explanation is reasonable and you never accept that he or she is right. Even the smallest things like forgetting to buy milk or picking up the laundry would not be your fault entirely; somehow, your partner is still to blame.
If you are this type of person in a relationship, something’s off with the way you see things. We all make failures and mistakes and are prone to errors now and then. “We can always make it our goal to hear everything,” says Lisa Firestone Ph.D. But once you refuse to admit your occasional slip-ups no matter how big or small, it will eventually damage the relationship because you don’t know how to take full responsibility for your failures and shortcomings.
Making Up Stories
To get out of a sticky situation, you make up a story or two. But, as time goes by, it tends to pile up – one lie after the other. Eventually, your partner will notice that you there’s something off about the timeline of your stories. When this happens, trust issues will build up within the relationship. So don’t be surprised if your significant other will throw in probing questions every once in a while – asking where you’ve been, who you’re with, the time when you’re off from work. Lack of sincerity and honesty in a relationship calls for concern. You owe your partner an explanation and some details about your life. After all, you are married to each other.
Trust is necessary for building and strengthening a relationship, while compromise is required for the bond to work.
Having to compromise demonstrates that you are understanding and compassionate enough to put your partner’s needs before you. “If you’re in a relationship that you care about and want to last long-term you must decide if your relationship is more important than any power struggle or disagreement,” psychotherapist Stacey Kaiser adds. Working things out through compromise shows trust and emotional support which are two essential elements of a successful relationship. A person who’s not willing to give way can be seen as immature and selfish. Only those who understand that give and take is required to make a relationship last long are considered mature and wise.
The Drama Queen/King
Do you usually storm off whenever you’re discussing something with your partner that you don’t agree with? Dealing with this kind of behavior can be tolerable at a certain point but it will not win you an argument nor will it find the resolve to whatever the dilemma is. Eventually, this kind of reaction can be exhausting because it stresses out that you are thriving on attention and needs to be convinced that you matter, even if it’s not really related to what you’re arguing about. At the end of the day, nothing’s resolved, but at least you’ve gotten things your way, right? Listen, walking out is television’s way of entertaining people and applying it to your real-life partner with real-life problems will definitely take the romance away.
This is the kind of attitude that takes for granted the crucial aspects of a relationship like respect and communication. Your continual need for conflict and attention can pose serious adverse effects, leaving you and your partner emotionally and mentally drained. These dramatic exits and pronouncements have a profound impact on one’s life and connection towards other people. Remember, people who are fond of drama are the ones responsible for prolonging squabbles; so, better ask yourself if you’re that kind of person because if you are, consider changing that behavior for the sake of your marriage.
Are you the kind of partner who always leaves the room just to text or call someone instead of just doing it while other people, especially your significant other, is around? Don’t you find that a little bit suspicious? Though there will undoubtedly be instances wherein you have to take a call from work or from friends that require privacy; doing it frequently without being upfront to your better-half on who it is you’re talking to and why there is a need to send that message in the next room will give out a negative vibe.
Admittedly, privacy is still important in a relationship. However, withholding information or not opening up on particular topics can be the start of an untrusting relationship. If you want your significant other to trust you, don’t sneak around his or her back just to talk to someone.
There will be times wherein these habits are unbeknownst to the doer. But now that you’re aware of these relationship-destroying behaviors, you can start eliminating them from your system and redefine your marriage.
Only honest, useful advice that will help boost your confidence to establish a relationship and lifestyle stability.
Strike The Power Pose
There’s something about power poses that are inherently mood and confidence enhancers – strutting that ‘Wonder Woman’ posture with both hands on the hips while looking forward without any glimpse of uncertainty or fear. According to psychology, authoritative poses induce behavioral and hormonal changes inside the body.
Whether you’re inside the office or you’re about to do a presentation to an audience, power poses are considered as the most natural and inexpensive life hack to increase self-determination and tenacity. To get the full benefit, hold your preferred power pose for about two minutes before your client meeting or an important presentation.
Burn All That Negativity
How? By exercising. No, this is not new information nor is this some gimmick to ask you to sign up for a fitness plan. If you hate exercising (like most people do) but would like to have that significant amount of endorphins that increase your energy and boost your confidence to get through the day without flailing, then you need to stop slacking and break a sweat. There have been tons of studies and references saying that exercise can do a lot of positive things to your body and this is one of them. Medical experts state that engaging in at least 30 minutes of cardio can ease your stress and make you feel high-spirited.
Take It Easy On Yourself
Stop beating yourself up on something that has happened and already been resolved. “Speaking to yourself harshly, won’t motivate you to do better. In fact, studies show it tends to have the opposite effect,” Amy Morin, LCSW. Also, complimenting yourself by talking to your reflection is no longer a useful motivational morning routine. Instead, you have to cease with the lies of telling things that you’re not – being self-compassionate is better than being awesome or wonderful. Knowing that you are a mere human being who is worthy of gaining respect rather than someone who is on the brink of acquiring specific ideals, your perception of worthiness becomes less rattled.
People who have insurmountable amounts of self-compassion are more likely to overcome humiliation and do not feel incompetent; they do not take criticisms personally and consider it as a challenge to become better. Always be kind to yourself, and your confidence will not be shaken.
Stop stuttering and say it as you mean it. Say what you want to say with pride and with enough conviction that, whoever listens, will immediately be convinced. Assertiveness is as essential as flaunting that power pose. If you know how to carry yourself, you should also know how to speak for yourself. As much as possible, when you are conversing with people, be direct and omit fillers; do not allow the other person to interject while you’re trying to get your point across.
Aside from taking out those fillers, your voice should be modulated too – steady and low-pitched. People pay more attention if they find the other person decisive, firm, and forward with the message being conveyed. Always stay calm even in the midst of a heated conversation; this will show the other person that you are confident and knowledgeable enough to handle any situation no matter how critical it can become.
Jot Down Accomplishments
Due to our busy lives, it’s difficult to catch up on our triumphs – no matter how small or big they are. Though it may not seem essential for you to do this since these triumphs are sometimes repetitive and inconsequential, you have to realize that concentrating on the minor successes that happened within the workplace that you’re involved with can bolster self-confidence tenfold. Think of it as a personal pat on the back; besides, we can all use some encouragement if not from other people then from yourself.
Reading and realizing how far you’ve come, and how much you’ve done in your line of work can give a certain feeling of satisfaction. “Try to get a supportive friend or relative to help you with these lists, as people with low self-esteem are not usually in the most objective frame of mind,” according to psychiatrist Neel Burton, M.D. Writing down minor and major accomplishments can also provide hints on the strategies that worked best within a particular situation.
According to clinical psychologist Dr Judith Johnson, “Two ways to boost our self-esteem are to remind ourselves of the values that we hold important, and the things about ourselves that are good.” Once and for all, leave all the negative comments about yourself in the past so that they will no longer bother you in your present which can affect your future. Do away with self-talk that belittles your capabilities and limits your nature. Gaining self-confidence is not something that instantly happens for it requires a certain degree of determination that only you can give to yourself.
When the mind is empowered, the impossible becomes possible.
Focusing on the positive aspects of life can be quite difficult at times, especially if your thoughts keep spinning wildly in their tangents taking you for an unfortunate ride. Indeed, the way you think about yourself and your situation can be quite powerful for it contributes to the welfare of your work, life, and relationships. Neel Burton M.D. suggests, “Remind yourself that, despite your problems, you are a unique, special, and valuable person, and that you deserve to feel good about yourself.”
Since time immemorial, humans were programmed with knowing how to fight or run, which is quite useful during critical moments of making decisions. Evolution did not change how people think because, until this day, we are wired to think similarly like our ancestors – to stay or go. It is, however, a typical thought process to immediately react because we use our natural defense mechanisms against external and internal triggers that may cause either negative or positive outcomes.
From a reasonable perspective, a person’s brain treats events and situations seen or observed on television as something to be wary of. According to clinical psychologist Dr Judith Johnson, “When your brain tells you that you have no business speaking up in a meeting or that you are too out of shape to work out, remind yourself that your thoughts aren’t always accurate.” In fact, people tend to get triggered by witnessing troubling things that it becomes their reality, creating an illusion that someday, that troublesome act might occur at any given moment. This type of thinking can heighten one’s awareness and preparedness just in case they might encounter the same mishaps, exhibiting how powerful the brain works.
Harnessing Brain Power
That good news is, your thoughts are as powerful as you recognize them to be; the bad news is, you have little to no idea how to harness them and put them to good use.
By getting a hold of your thoughts, you can empower yourself and your relationships in ways unimaginable. Though it may seem farfetched, if you believe that things will go your way, and you cultivate your thoughts right, positive results are not unattainable. Take control of your brainpower and follow these techniques:
- Notice Your Thoughts
Whenever your consciousness starts to wander and starts reeling towards dreams, past events and situations, take note of how your body reacts. Being mindful of the way your heart starts pounding or how your breath becomes shallow when you remember something that happened or predict something that might happen. It is beneficial for you to filter out disempowering and empowering thoughts. Analyze these thoughts and ask yourself how they are contributing to your overall well-being.
- Get Your Ego Checked
Sometimes, it’s all inside the mind; though, there will be times that your thoughts and your gut are telling you something and warning you about the danger. But then again, these things can just be because you are becoming more morally and socially aware of what’s currently happening that your thoughts are starting to mess with your head. Ego checking protects people from imminent threats; however, on the flip side, these thoughts are also disallowing us to be in charge of our mind and body.
Breathe; did that make you feel better? Do it again. “Notice your breath flowing in and out, the many sensations that you are experiencing,” said Courtney E. Ackerman, MSc.
Asking yourself to calm down and breathe is a simple, yet, often forgotten nugget of information which can be applied to almost any stressful situation. Deep breathing is a technique commonly used by therapists, meditation and health gurus for the act is highly beneficial for the body. Whenever you feel pervasive, taxing anxiety seeping in, practice deep breathing to calm your nerves and clear your mind. This is one effective way to get a hold of your thoughts and not panic.
- Stick With Uplifting Concepts
Negative thoughts can weaken a person’s ideas and dreams. Therefore, focusing on filling your consciousness with nothing but uplifting, positive concepts will empower your mind and your attitude towards life’s lowest moments. Feed your brain information that is beneficial not only for your future but your partner’s as well. Knowledge is a powerful tool that will get you far. Furthermore, build strong connections and surround yourself with people who also have the same high-spirited nature as you are. Let them inspire and influence you to become more positive and empowered.
Strengthening oneself will yield strong relationships; this is vital information that you must not take for granted. Exercise mindfulness for it keeps you connected with your intuition, enhance your ability to figure out what’s wrong, and filter out harmful ideas lurking in your mind. Once you’ve mastered the art of empowering your thoughts, good things will immediately follow.
The brain and the human body do not function in isolation from each other; instead, they are operating like a symphony which produces the behavioral consonance of life. Therefore, keeping the body in shape and following a health regimen can increase brain health.
Here are some counseling recommendations and techniques that will keep our brain to its fullest potential:
Be Conscious Of Your Health
It is vital for us to gain control of our health and to understand that we are primarily responsible for taking care of our body and keeping it in shape. The moment we get to establish our role in managing our health, the importance of a close and trusting relationship with our healthcare providers becomes more meaningful. According to Melanie Greenberg, Ph.D. a Clinical Health Psychologist, “Investing in your health now can pay dividends for the rest of your life.”
Subjects concerning a person’s health should be openly discussed with a physician and with the healthcare team to organize a plan for illness prevention and health promotion. Physical examinations on a regular basis are required. It is also wise to follow the advice of your healthcare provider.
Relax In The Goodness of Silence
Society’s rapid evolution often leaves us overwhelmed and stressed with very little room to relax and process what’s happening. To benefit more from daily encounters, a person’s brain needs a sufficient amount of time, and uninterrupted silence to handle and process all information that was learned and experienced. If we don’t allow our body to slow down, it will eventually malfunction and will become a threat to our well-being. Give your body and mind the opportunity to recuperate by freeing yourself from responsibilities or obligations even for a day. “So if you’re ever feeling brave enough to get an honest look at who you are and who you could be, try a silent retreat. It could be a wild ride,” suggests Kimberly Russell M.A., M.S.Ed.
Create An Exercise Routine
Though many would not consider the thought of doing exercise for whatever reason, creating an exercise routine is highly beneficial for the brain. Exercise that is done regularly not only reduces the risk of having neurodegenerative diseases like Alzheimer’s disease, but it also enhances mental and physical functions.
Anxiety and depression are also prevented because workouts can stimulate the release of happy hormones. Brain health, quality of sleep, energy levels, and an overall sense of well-being are all improved by engaging yourself in exercise.
Cultivate Strong Relationships And Connections
A person’s ability to efficiently interact with other people is essential in preserving or cultivating healthy relationships. Isolation can cause health issues. Research demonstrates the necessity of having a constant stream of social networks to reduce the possibility of developing dementia. Consistent development and sustainment of new relationships enhance health-promoting behaviors such as stress reduction and effective emotional expression.
Furthermore, new friends and people can share information, experiences, emotions, wisdom, trust, and challenges that you have never encountered or known. Stronger connections with people offer the much-needed motivation that one needs to power through.
Always Find Meaning In Everything
Your life must be driven by a strong desire to find purpose in anything and everything you do. Finding meaning in life is one of the leading contributors to longevity. Being determined enough to be actively involved in whatever life brings is significant in yearning for healthy well-being. Positivity can take you further and higher. In fact, a psychologist at Stanford, Emma Seppälä, PhD, pointed out, “If you want to be happier and more successful in life, it’s important to fight the brain’s natural tendency to focus on the negative. Instead, try looking at the world through a positive, self-compassionate mindset.”
It is our primary responsibility to continuously discover, hone, and nurture these different roles to relate it to the purpose and meaning of life. Developing multiple interests and skills during your lifespan, no matter the age is necessary for keeping your brain fully-functional and in superb condition.
For a healthier and happier disposition, people must let go of the things and attitudes that destroy them from the outside and the inside. If you don’t want to end up in an office, in front of your psychiatrist, there are vices or bad habits that you should start quitting before your mind and body go bonkers.
It’s never untimely to let go of a vice and aim for a healthier and happier life. What are some of the bad habits that you need to say goodbye to?
Increased Alcohol Consumption
Too much of something can be detrimental to your health and alcohol is definitely on top of that list. In small doses and only on certain occasions, alcohol is actually good for the body; however, if consumed increasingly and on a daily basis, alcohol becomes the poison that destroys your body one glass at a time. Consuming more than three drinks on a regular basis can cause a high risk for the following physical and mental conditions:
- Liver damage
- High blood pressure
- Cancers involving mouth and liver
- Heart disease
- Memory loss
Sedative And Painkiller Abuse
Habitual, long-term use of sedatives and painkillers can cause more health problems than they resolve. Taking in medications like aspirin and ibuprofen for muscle pain may increase your risk of developing GI bleeding, heart attack, and ulcers.
Sleeping pills and drugs that calm the senses can cause confusion and make people prone to falling or stumbling, especially in high doses. Furthermore, the feel-good effects of sedatives and pain medications are highly addictive, that if not ceased will cause a cascade of psychiatric illnesses.
Investing Too Much Time On Negativity
A negative environment begets an adverse reaction; therefore, pessimism should be out of the equation. “If you want to be happier and more successful in life, it’s important to fight the brain’s natural tendency to focus on the negative. Instead, try looking at the world through a positive, self-compassionate mindset,” says psychologist at Stanford, Emma Seppälä, PhD. However, there are certain aspects of one’s life wherein negativity is always present – from your co-workers, boss, relatives, friends, and partner.
In cases where you just can’t take them out of your life for specific valid reasons, you can limit or lessen your exposure to them in such a way that their toxicity will not be passed down to you. People who are always problematic will suck the positive energy out of you and make you feel down. Long-term exposure to such negativity increases one’s likelihood of depression.
Having A Sedentary Lifestyle
Are you too lazy to do anything? Are you just satisfied spending precious time in front of the TV? According to psychiatrists, this is a bad habit that can immensely impact a person’s mental health. Exerting psychological and physical effort with activities like exercise or working on your hobby lowers depression and anxiety while uplifting your mood. By being physically active, you are triggering your brain to release serotonin and endorphins that effectively alleviate depressive symptoms. “Take a walk, see a comedy, go out with a friend,” suggests Karen Gasper, PhD. “These breaks may help you feel better and see your work in a new light.”
As much as we hate to admit, we love sleeping late. According to a study made by Binghamton University, people who go to bed late have encountered repetitive and chronic negative thinking the entire day, which is commonly linked to depression. On the other hand, those who did go to bed early were seen to have fewer episodes of pessimism. “We’re in a different biochemical state when we’re dreaming, and that’s why I think dreams can be so helpful anytime we’re stuck in our usual mode of thinking,” psychologist Deidre Barrett, PhD.
Quitting the abovementioned bad habits that can affect one’s mental health in the long run and can result in psychiatric intervention is challenging but possible. For as long as you have decided against your bad habits, positive ones will come rushing in.
(Battlefield Between Intuition And Logic)
Our mind is a battlefield, and each day there is a perpetual battle going on inside each one of us, a continuous war between our logic and intuition.
Many businessmen often say they created their business from nothing, that they were able to build an empire from the ground up.
Passion fuels them to push forward and makes the impossible possible. For them, the ideas they believe in are worth investing their time and energy on, so that those visions will not just remain visions but realities. According to Dr. Priyanka Kalra, a Psychiatrist and Director at Global Child Wellness Center, “one major cause of burnout at work or even in studies is people being made to pursue what they are not passionate about.”
Your passion defines you because it is a part of yourself. It is you. That is why it has to be in harmony with everything in your life.
Ideas Can Bear Fruits Only If You Work On Them
Put out those seeds of ideas, scatter them into the fertile soil placed under the sun, and when the seedlings start to sprout, continue watering and nurturing them with love and care and watch them grow into something unimaginable.
Put your passion into action, your dream into reality and success will be in harmony with all aspects of your life.
Unless you do something about that firing passion within you, that seed will remain a seed, and may eventually rot and will be gone along with your dreams and your happiness. “In other words, your willingness to take risks may vary across different areas of your life, but it will always be affected by the underlying general factor of risk preference.” said Dr. Renato Frey from the University of Basel and the Max Planck Institute for Human Development.
Take That Leap Of Faith
Be honest with yourself and open your mind to all possibilities. Nothing in this world is sure, and it’s not always safe. You will never know where your passion can take you unless you lift a step and cut those deck of cards.
Never let fear or desire cripple your dreams.
Learn from the life-changing lessons shared by the most successful people who just followed their passion.
Everybody Deserves To Be Successful
Change your mindset from “I’m not good” to “I’m best at what I love to do,” “I don’t deserve it” to “I can earn it.” Stop procrastinating and making excuses. That’s one ridiculous thing you can do to yourself, denying yourself the chance to be happy by not following your passion. “If you are overly narrow and committed to one area, that could prevent you from developing interests and expertise that you need to do that bridging work,” says Gregory Walton.
Surround Yourself With People Who Will Encourage You And Help You Take The Path
Be with people who are positive. Do not think of them as your rivals, but know that you can build each other through encouragement and offer one another support to reach each of your goals. Be with people who can help you develop and enrich your network, people who help each other step up the ladder to achieve greater things.
Overcome Obstacles By Focusing On Your Strength
There will always be obstacles, and you’re not the only one experiencing difficulties. Don’t forget that there may be some people who have much worse situations and troubles than you do, but they were able to surpass them with flying colors. Move forward to your goals focusing on what you have in front of you, your strength and all other assets you have.
Nothing Is Impossible, And You Can Make Anything Happen
Nothing can beat commitment and determination combined with a good idea. Every successful business magnate has his own stories on how they became successful. Success is not something they earned overnight, and their stories are all interesting. Those stories inspire people who also want to make the realization of dreams possible for them.
Let Go Of That Wrong Belief System
Many people have not considered pursuing their dreams because of fear – fear of what others might say, fear of failure, fear of losing everything. Get rid of that mindset, because it will get you nowhere but be stuck in that comfort zone of yours forever. If you keep on thinking what others might say, you let them win, and you fail yourself by becoming the loser.
Getting out of your comfort zone, following your passion, and taking the risk are what make life exciting. When you’re out there in the unfamiliar space, when you feel lost, that is when your brain becomes active. That is when you will become creative. Beat your own procrastination and start pumping that enthusiasm to reaching your goal with encouragement and inspiration.
Following your passion is one of the secret roads to success.
Contrary to popular belief, worrying can be somewhat healthy. It keeps us on our toes for possible problems that may arise. “The first step in making anxiety work for you rather than against you is to recognize it when it shows up. So much of our behavior is driven by anxiety, yet we rarely notice or name it,” says Julian P Humphreys Ph.D., PCC. But if you live with anxiety, you would know the feeling of continually worrying about almost everything in your life. For some, it is so intense that it stops them from doing anything productive.
This amount and intensity of worrying go far beyond what healthy should be. In this world, there are too many triggers for anxiety to peak. Whatever the reason is, do NOT believe it. Your anxiety is lying to you 24/7, and here’s how.
Anxiety Filters Your Thoughts And Your Reality
Anxiety imprisons us in our little world where the worst possible things are always bound to happen (or so we think). It blinds us from seeing that life is not at all black and white and makes us believe that the odds are against us. “Anxiety is characterized by excessive and unrealistic concerns about the future, emotional and physical tension, and patterns of avoidance–avoiding people, responsibilities, or harmless situations,” says Joel Minden, Ph.D.
More often than not, we believe it. Anxiety is so good at diminishing our success to nothing and inflating the smallest setbacks to extreme failures. So if you find that you have a habit of always invalidating your success, then you might want to blame anxiety for that.
Anxiety Constantly Tells You No
Anxiety can put even the most confident people down. It places you at the center of everything, making you believe your actions (or lack thereof) impact other people negatively. At work, you may think that your co-workers are thinking of how incompetent you are. At school, you may feel like everyone is gossiping about you. Even in your house, you may feel unloved. All these feelings can happen even when they’re not the case at all. You can be in a healthy environment surrounded by great people but still, feel anxious.
Anxiety Steals From The Future
While depression borrows from the past, anxiety steals worries from the future even when it’s not happening yet. It feeds off our uncertainty and twists our hope into self-sabotage. Anxiety misleads us by saying that the future is happening now. It plagues us with what-if scenarios we keep making up in our head.
Controlling Your Anxiety
Now that you know how anxiety lies, you now have a better grasp on what to do next. Like with most things, the first step in overcoming anxiety is to acknowledge its presence and be aware of its lies.
Once you are at peace with it, you need to ground yourself slowly back to the reality that you know. It might mean getting in touch with your inner self, surrounding yourself with good friends, listing down the things you should be thankful for, or whatever your coping mechanism is. With this comes zooming out and putting things into perspective, reminding yourself that everything is okay as of the moment, contrary to what your brain is telling you.
Most importantly, remember to be more forgiving to yourself. You are human, and you have a vast margin for mistakes. Just as well, celebrate what you need to celebrate. Your success, no matter how small, are valid. It is okay to let in negative emotions, but do not let them linger. “Sometimes, it’s important to step back and examine what type of accommodations you make to avoid anxiety or to consider how anxiety interferes with your everyday life,” says Amy Morin.
While it takes a great deal of emotional maturity and self-understanding to dissect your emotions healthily, it will surely save you in the long run. Take control of your anxiety. Cheers!