Infidelity is one of the main reasons why relationships and marriages fail. According to Theresa E DiDonato Ph.D., “Infidelity can wreak havoc on a relationship.” Because of it, the confidence, bond, and trust that was once shared merely shatter into pieces in just one snap. And though how much a couple tries or how many years have passed after the discovery of infidelity, still, the pain brought by that wrongdoing lingers. Even after decades, the lousy moment keeps on recurring and can destroy the harmony at any time.
“Most people would agree that being authentic and transparent interactions with one’s intimate partner is essential to a successful long-term relationship,” according to Randi Gunther Ph.D. While browsing through Facebook, I saw a short note with an image of a young man and a woman almost kissing each other.
Cheating and lying are grounds for huge fights and heated arguments that may or may not end up in separation. According to John M. Grohol, Psy.D, “Cheating, as people soon discover, is complicated.” However, there are subtle, yet surprising behaviors or habits that partners do which can wreck a healthy marriage.
You’re Never Wrong
Even if the world ends, you’ll never apologize. “I’m sorry” is not something that you say, even if you are on the wrong side of the argument. You do not acknowledge that your partner’s explanation is reasonable and you never accept that he or she is right. Even the smallest things like forgetting to buy milk or picking up the laundry would not be your fault entirely; somehow, your partner is still to blame.
If you are this type of person in a relationship, something’s off with the way you see things. We all make failures and mistakes and are prone to errors now and then. “We can always make it our goal to hear everything,” says Lisa Firestone Ph.D. But once you refuse to admit your occasional slip-ups no matter how big or small, it will eventually damage the relationship because you don’t know how to take full responsibility for your failures and shortcomings.
Making Up Stories
To get out of a sticky situation, you make up a story or two. But, as time goes by, it tends to pile up – one lie after the other. Eventually, your partner will notice that you there’s something off about the timeline of your stories. When this happens, trust issues will build up within the relationship. So don’t be surprised if your significant other will throw in probing questions every once in a while – asking where you’ve been, who you’re with, the time when you’re off from work. Lack of sincerity and honesty in a relationship calls for concern. You owe your partner an explanation and some details about your life. After all, you are married to each other.
Trust is necessary for building and strengthening a relationship, while compromise is required for the bond to work.
Having to compromise demonstrates that you are understanding and compassionate enough to put your partner’s needs before you. “If you’re in a relationship that you care about and want to last long-term you must decide if your relationship is more important than any power struggle or disagreement,” psychotherapist Stacey Kaiser adds. Working things out through compromise shows trust and emotional support which are two essential elements of a successful relationship. A person who’s not willing to give way can be seen as immature and selfish. Only those who understand that give and take is required to make a relationship last long are considered mature and wise.
The Drama Queen/King
Do you usually storm off whenever you’re discussing something with your partner that you don’t agree with? Dealing with this kind of behavior can be tolerable at a certain point but it will not win you an argument nor will it find the resolve to whatever the dilemma is. Eventually, this kind of reaction can be exhausting because it stresses out that you are thriving on attention and needs to be convinced that you matter, even if it’s not really related to what you’re arguing about. At the end of the day, nothing’s resolved, but at least you’ve gotten things your way, right? Listen, walking out is television’s way of entertaining people and applying it to your real-life partner with real-life problems will definitely take the romance away.
This is the kind of attitude that takes for granted the crucial aspects of a relationship like respect and communication. Your continual need for conflict and attention can pose serious adverse effects, leaving you and your partner emotionally and mentally drained. These dramatic exits and pronouncements have a profound impact on one’s life and connection towards other people. Remember, people who are fond of drama are the ones responsible for prolonging squabbles; so, better ask yourself if you’re that kind of person because if you are, consider changing that behavior for the sake of your marriage.
Are you the kind of partner who always leaves the room just to text or call someone instead of just doing it while other people, especially your significant other, is around? Don’t you find that a little bit suspicious? Though there will undoubtedly be instances wherein you have to take a call from work or from friends that require privacy; doing it frequently without being upfront to your better-half on who it is you’re talking to and why there is a need to send that message in the next room will give out a negative vibe.
Admittedly, privacy is still important in a relationship. However, withholding information or not opening up on particular topics can be the start of an untrusting relationship. If you want your significant other to trust you, don’t sneak around his or her back just to talk to someone.
There will be times wherein these habits are unbeknownst to the doer. But now that you’re aware of these relationship-destroying behaviors, you can start eliminating them from your system and redefine your marriage.
Only honest, useful advice that will help boost your confidence to establish a relationship and lifestyle stability.
Strike The Power Pose
There’s something about power poses that are inherently mood and confidence enhancers – strutting that ‘Wonder Woman’ posture with both hands on the hips while looking forward without any glimpse of uncertainty or fear. According to psychology, authoritative poses induce behavioral and hormonal changes inside the body.
Whether you’re inside the office or you’re about to do a presentation to an audience, power poses are considered as the most natural and inexpensive life hack to increase self-determination and tenacity. To get the full benefit, hold your preferred power pose for about two minutes before your client meeting or an important presentation.
Burn All That Negativity
How? By exercising. No, this is not new information nor is this some gimmick to ask you to sign up for a fitness plan. If you hate exercising (like most people do) but would like to have that significant amount of endorphins that increase your energy and boost your confidence to get through the day without flailing, then you need to stop slacking and break a sweat. There have been tons of studies and references saying that exercise can do a lot of positive things to your body and this is one of them. Medical experts state that engaging in at least 30 minutes of cardio can ease your stress and make you feel high-spirited.
Take It Easy On Yourself
Stop beating yourself up on something that has happened and already been resolved. “Speaking to yourself harshly, won’t motivate you to do better. In fact, studies show it tends to have the opposite effect,” Amy Morin, LCSW. Also, complimenting yourself by talking to your reflection is no longer a useful motivational morning routine. Instead, you have to cease with the lies of telling things that you’re not – being self-compassionate is better than being awesome or wonderful. Knowing that you are a mere human being who is worthy of gaining respect rather than someone who is on the brink of acquiring specific ideals, your perception of worthiness becomes less rattled.
People who have insurmountable amounts of self-compassion are more likely to overcome humiliation and do not feel incompetent; they do not take criticisms personally and consider it as a challenge to become better. Always be kind to yourself, and your confidence will not be shaken.
Stop stuttering and say it as you mean it. Say what you want to say with pride and with enough conviction that, whoever listens, will immediately be convinced. Assertiveness is as essential as flaunting that power pose. If you know how to carry yourself, you should also know how to speak for yourself. As much as possible, when you are conversing with people, be direct and omit fillers; do not allow the other person to interject while you’re trying to get your point across.
Aside from taking out those fillers, your voice should be modulated too – steady and low-pitched. People pay more attention if they find the other person decisive, firm, and forward with the message being conveyed. Always stay calm even in the midst of a heated conversation; this will show the other person that you are confident and knowledgeable enough to handle any situation no matter how critical it can become.
Jot Down Accomplishments
Due to our busy lives, it’s difficult to catch up on our triumphs – no matter how small or big they are. Though it may not seem essential for you to do this since these triumphs are sometimes repetitive and inconsequential, you have to realize that concentrating on the minor successes that happened within the workplace that you’re involved with can bolster self-confidence tenfold. Think of it as a personal pat on the back; besides, we can all use some encouragement if not from other people then from yourself.
Reading and realizing how far you’ve come, and how much you’ve done in your line of work can give a certain feeling of satisfaction. “Try to get a supportive friend or relative to help you with these lists, as people with low self-esteem are not usually in the most objective frame of mind,” according to psychiatrist Neel Burton, M.D. Writing down minor and major accomplishments can also provide hints on the strategies that worked best within a particular situation.
According to clinical psychologist Dr Judith Johnson, “Two ways to boost our self-esteem are to remind ourselves of the values that we hold important, and the things about ourselves that are good.” Once and for all, leave all the negative comments about yourself in the past so that they will no longer bother you in your present which can affect your future. Do away with self-talk that belittles your capabilities and limits your nature. Gaining self-confidence is not something that instantly happens for it requires a certain degree of determination that only you can give to yourself.
When the mind is empowered, the impossible becomes possible.
Focusing on the positive aspects of life can be quite difficult at times, especially if your thoughts keep spinning wildly in their tangents taking you for an unfortunate ride. Indeed, the way you think about yourself and your situation can be quite powerful for it contributes to the welfare of your work, life, and relationships. Neel Burton M.D. suggests, “Remind yourself that, despite your problems, you are a unique, special, and valuable person, and that you deserve to feel good about yourself.”
Since time immemorial, humans were programmed with knowing how to fight or run, which is quite useful during critical moments of making decisions. Evolution did not change how people think because, until this day, we are wired to think similarly like our ancestors – to stay or go. It is, however, a typical thought process to immediately react because we use our natural defense mechanisms against external and internal triggers that may cause either negative or positive outcomes.
From a reasonable perspective, a person’s brain treats events and situations seen or observed on television as something to be wary of. According to clinical psychologist Dr Judith Johnson, “When your brain tells you that you have no business speaking up in a meeting or that you are too out of shape to work out, remind yourself that your thoughts aren’t always accurate.” In fact, people tend to get triggered by witnessing troubling things that it becomes their reality, creating an illusion that someday, that troublesome act might occur at any given moment. This type of thinking can heighten one’s awareness and preparedness just in case they might encounter the same mishaps, exhibiting how powerful the brain works.
Harnessing Brain Power
That good news is, your thoughts are as powerful as you recognize them to be; the bad news is, you have little to no idea how to harness them and put them to good use.
By getting a hold of your thoughts, you can empower yourself and your relationships in ways unimaginable. Though it may seem farfetched, if you believe that things will go your way, and you cultivate your thoughts right, positive results are not unattainable. Take control of your brainpower and follow these techniques:
- Notice Your Thoughts
Whenever your consciousness starts to wander and starts reeling towards dreams, past events and situations, take note of how your body reacts. Being mindful of the way your heart starts pounding or how your breath becomes shallow when you remember something that happened or predict something that might happen. It is beneficial for you to filter out disempowering and empowering thoughts. Analyze these thoughts and ask yourself how they are contributing to your overall well-being.
- Get Your Ego Checked
Sometimes, it’s all inside the mind; though, there will be times that your thoughts and your gut are telling you something and warning you about the danger. But then again, these things can just be because you are becoming more morally and socially aware of what’s currently happening that your thoughts are starting to mess with your head. Ego checking protects people from imminent threats; however, on the flip side, these thoughts are also disallowing us to be in charge of our mind and body.
Breathe; did that make you feel better? Do it again. “Notice your breath flowing in and out, the many sensations that you are experiencing,” said Courtney E. Ackerman, MSc.
Asking yourself to calm down and breathe is a simple, yet, often forgotten nugget of information which can be applied to almost any stressful situation. Deep breathing is a technique commonly used by therapists, meditation and health gurus for the act is highly beneficial for the body. Whenever you feel pervasive, taxing anxiety seeping in, practice deep breathing to calm your nerves and clear your mind. This is one effective way to get a hold of your thoughts and not panic.
- Stick With Uplifting Concepts
Negative thoughts can weaken a person’s ideas and dreams. Therefore, focusing on filling your consciousness with nothing but uplifting, positive concepts will empower your mind and your attitude towards life’s lowest moments. Feed your brain information that is beneficial not only for your future but your partner’s as well. Knowledge is a powerful tool that will get you far. Furthermore, build strong connections and surround yourself with people who also have the same high-spirited nature as you are. Let them inspire and influence you to become more positive and empowered.
Strengthening oneself will yield strong relationships; this is vital information that you must not take for granted. Exercise mindfulness for it keeps you connected with your intuition, enhance your ability to figure out what’s wrong, and filter out harmful ideas lurking in your mind. Once you’ve mastered the art of empowering your thoughts, good things will immediately follow.