Infidelity is one of the main reasons why relationships and marriages fail. According to Theresa E DiDonato Ph.D., “Infidelity can wreak havoc on a relationship.” Because of it, the confidence, bond, and trust that was once shared merely shatter into pieces in just one snap. And though how much a couple tries or how many years have passed after the discovery of infidelity, still, the pain brought by that wrongdoing lingers. Even after decades, the lousy moment keeps on recurring and can destroy the harmony at any time.
But for those couples who are still willing to give it a try in this thing called “marriage,” the following ways are suggested:
End Affair Connections
The affair stained not only your relationship with your husband but his confidence as well. His faith in you and himself is at an all-time low right after the discovery of the affair. If you want to earn his trust again, then, assure him that the relationship is over. The very first thing you can do is to cut all the connections you have with the other man. This will possibly put his feelings at ease, and hopefully, the healing will eventually start.
Foster Open Communication
The affair will stir up a lot of questions from your husband. If you are willing to bury the hatchet and make peace with him, then, have a long and open chat. Answer his questions directly and with all honesty. Doing so is making yourself transparent to him and showing him that you are a willing partner in rebuilding the relationship. Hiding things from him will not do any good. This will lead to him thinking that you are still hanging on to those moments with the other man.
Admit Your Fault
Accept that you are at fault and ask for his forgiveness. As for John M. Grohol, Psy.D, “All I’m suggesting is that if you’re considering cheating, or if you’ve already cheated, it’s time to come clean.” This will assure your husband that you feel remorse for what you did and how it affected him. At some measure, it will also help him accept that you are willing to restore the relationship again. Not admitting your fault will only lessen his self-esteem for there is this tendency that he will blame himself for it.
Show Your Love
Infidelity brings insecurity. Upon learning of the affair, he will automatically feel betrayed, unloved, unworthy and even unattractive. If you want to win him back, make ways to eliminate those feelings off his chest. Show him how much you love him. It may take time and a lot of effort, but eventually, he’ll slowly come back to you if you two agreed to stick together. Make him your number one priority this time.
Seek Marriage Counseling
You have to understand that infidelity can create deep wounds, and in most cases, these wounds never heal at all. If you don’t want this to happen to you and still all your efforts in winning him back are futile, then, seek professional help. Seek family therapist intervention for this matter. These are the professionals who are well trained in dealing with problems that have to do with family dynamics. You can try online therapy or traditional counseling.
Saying you’re sorry is never enough in infidelity situations. You have to start over, strategize your move and plan out how to win him over again. It may take some time, but once he is sure that you genuinely regretted that act, he will eventually come around. It’s not that easy, though. You have to understand that fact.
“By intentionally avoiding compromising situations, they also avoid relational complications. Happy couples maintain their relationships by enjoying each other, not eyeing alternatives,” says Wendy L. Patrick, JD, Ph.D.