Cheating and lying are grounds for huge fights and heated arguments that may or may not end up in separation. According to John M. Grohol, Psy.D, “Cheating, as people soon discover, is complicated.” However, there are subtle, yet surprising behaviors or habits that partners do which can wreck a healthy marriage.
You’re Never Wrong
Even if the world ends, you’ll never apologize. “I’m sorry” is not something that you say, even if you are on the wrong side of the argument. You do not acknowledge that your partner’s explanation is reasonable and you never accept that he or she is right. Even the smallest things like forgetting to buy milk or picking up the laundry would not be your fault entirely; somehow, your partner is still to blame.
If you are this type of person in a relationship, something’s off with the way you see things. We all make failures and mistakes and are prone to errors now and then. “We can always make it our goal to hear everything,” says Lisa Firestone Ph.D. But once you refuse to admit your occasional slip-ups no matter how big or small, it will eventually damage the relationship because you don’t know how to take full responsibility for your failures and shortcomings.
Making Up Stories
To get out of a sticky situation, you make up a story or two. But, as time goes by, it tends to pile up – one lie after the other. Eventually, your partner will notice that you there’s something off about the timeline of your stories. When this happens, trust issues will build up within the relationship. So don’t be surprised if your significant other will throw in probing questions every once in a while – asking where you’ve been, who you’re with, the time when you’re off from work. Lack of sincerity and honesty in a relationship calls for concern. You owe your partner an explanation and some details about your life. After all, you are married to each other.
Trust is necessary for building and strengthening a relationship, while compromise is required for the bond to work.
Having to compromise demonstrates that you are understanding and compassionate enough to put your partner’s needs before you. “If you’re in a relationship that you care about and want to last long-term you must decide if your relationship is more important than any power struggle or disagreement,” psychotherapist Stacey Kaiser adds. Working things out through compromise shows trust and emotional support which are two essential elements of a successful relationship. A person who’s not willing to give way can be seen as immature and selfish. Only those who understand that give and take is required to make a relationship last long are considered mature and wise.
The Drama Queen/King
Do you usually storm off whenever you’re discussing something with your partner that you don’t agree with? Dealing with this kind of behavior can be tolerable at a certain point but it will not win you an argument nor will it find the resolve to whatever the dilemma is. Eventually, this kind of reaction can be exhausting because it stresses out that you are thriving on attention and needs to be convinced that you matter, even if it’s not really related to what you’re arguing about. At the end of the day, nothing’s resolved, but at least you’ve gotten things your way, right? Listen, walking out is television’s way of entertaining people and applying it to your real-life partner with real-life problems will definitely take the romance away.
This is the kind of attitude that takes for granted the crucial aspects of a relationship like respect and communication. Your continual need for conflict and attention can pose serious adverse effects, leaving you and your partner emotionally and mentally drained. These dramatic exits and pronouncements have a profound impact on one’s life and connection towards other people. Remember, people who are fond of drama are the ones responsible for prolonging squabbles; so, better ask yourself if you’re that kind of person because if you are, consider changing that behavior for the sake of your marriage.
Are you the kind of partner who always leaves the room just to text or call someone instead of just doing it while other people, especially your significant other, is around? Don’t you find that a little bit suspicious? Though there will undoubtedly be instances wherein you have to take a call from work or from friends that require privacy; doing it frequently without being upfront to your better-half on who it is you’re talking to and why there is a need to send that message in the next room will give out a negative vibe.
Admittedly, privacy is still important in a relationship. However, withholding information or not opening up on particular topics can be the start of an untrusting relationship. If you want your significant other to trust you, don’t sneak around his or her back just to talk to someone.
There will be times wherein these habits are unbeknownst to the doer. But now that you’re aware of these relationship-destroying behaviors, you can start eliminating them from your system and redefine your marriage.