My best friend was one of the most dedicated workers I ever met. He was always the earliest person to reach the office and the last to leave. Even when he had the flu or migraine, he would still go to work, worried that his projects might get delayed because of him. So, when the company started laying off employees, and he became one of them, my best friend took it badly. Nothing and no one could cheer him up or make him leave the house to have fun.
When my best friend’s parents called me for help, I instantly knew that things were not getting better. I went to their house and kept knocking on his door, but he refused to open it. His mother had to open the door using the master key so that I could see his son.
Once I entered the bedroom, it took seconds for my eyes to adjust to the darkness that surrounded it. There was almost no light in his room! When I saw my best friend, he was sitting on the bed, hugging his knees. He was also rocking back and forth, and his eyes were staring into nothingness. I realized then that his parents had a reason to worry about my best friend’s mental health.
Instead of showing pity, I decided to act angry. I said, “Hey, man! What kind of a mess is this?”
My best friend uttered monotonously, “I don’t have a job anymore.”
“It’s the company’s loss, not yours,” I insisted. “Come on, let’s go out.”
“What will we do?” he asked.
Below are the non-mental-health-ruining things that we did.
Go On An Impromptu Trip
As soon as I got my best friend to dress up and leave his room, I dragged him to my car and sped away. I honestly did not have a destination in mind; I just went with my gut and hit the main road. We did not even bring a change of clothes and only had our wallets with us.
At first, my best friend complained about my lack of definite plans for our trip. But when we left the city and kept on driving past Nevada, he was already smiling. It was a better turn of events than we all expected.
Since my best friend had pretty much given up on life when he lost his job, he visibly lost a significant amount of muscles after a month of hibernation. The man had always been lean, but now he’s merely thin. While walking out of their house, I prayed that a strong gust of wind wouldn’t knock him over.
So, once we returned to the city, I brought my best friend to the gym that we used to go to. In truth, he made me sign up for it when I was dealing with weight-loss issues. I was merely returning the favor and doing something that I knew he would thank me for later.
Three times a week, we would go to the gym together. My best friend acted sluggishly in the beginning, but he eventually picked up the slack.
We had a little heart-to-heart talk one day, and I asked my best friend why he never asked for my help after the job loss. He said, “I was too ashamed to call you or any of our other friends.” I thought that wasn’t very smart, and I made sure he realized that. Then, I encouraged him to see everyone over dinner.
Again, the man tried to protest, claiming he wasn’t ready to meet our friends because he was still jobless. But my best friend listened (thankfully) when I told him that there’s no reason to try to impress anyone, much less the people he had known for three decades. As the night got deeper, we all saw our old, jolly friend return.
Look For A New Job
My best friend called me a few days later. I assumed he wanted to confirm the time and location for our next get-together. Instead, his mind was slipping back into the darkness, which he didn’t like. When I asked what he’s been doing when he’s not exercising or meeting us, he answered, “Nothing.”
My suggestion was to start looking for a new job. After all, unemployment was the root of my best friend’s problems, so there’s no better way to resolve everything than by breaking the spell. And since my best friend had an incredible track record, he got hired soon enough.
I must say my best friend was still lucky because he only dealt with mental instability for a month. Many people could have experienced it longer than that, and no one probably noticed or looked long enough to see it.
If you know someone who couldn’t get over the loss of something or someone in their life, teach them the non-mental-health-ruining things you just read above.
Infidelity is one of the main reasons why relationships and marriages fail. According to Theresa E DiDonato Ph.D., “Infidelity can wreak havoc on a relationship.” Because of it, the confidence, bond, and trust that was once shared merely shatter into pieces in just one snap. And though how much a couple tries or how many years have passed after the discovery of infidelity, still, the pain brought by that wrongdoing lingers. Even after decades, the lousy moment keeps on recurring and can destroy the harmony at any time.
(Battlefield Between Intuition And Logic)
Our mind is a battlefield, and each day there is a perpetual battle going on inside each one of us, a continuous war between our logic and intuition.
Contrary to popular belief, worrying can be somewhat healthy. It keeps us on our toes for possible problems that may arise. “The first step in making anxiety work for you rather than against you is to recognize it when it shows up. So much of our behavior is driven by anxiety, yet we rarely notice or name it,” says Julian P Humphreys Ph.D., PCC. But if you live with anxiety, you would know the feeling of continually worrying about almost everything in your life. For some, it is so intense that it stops them from doing anything productive.
This amount and intensity of worrying go far beyond what healthy should be. In this world, there are too many triggers for anxiety to peak. Whatever the reason is, do NOT believe it. Your anxiety is lying to you 24/7, and here’s how.
Anxiety Filters Your Thoughts And Your Reality
Anxiety imprisons us in our little world where the worst possible things are always bound to happen (or so we think). It blinds us from seeing that life is not at all black and white and makes us believe that the odds are against us. “Anxiety is characterized by excessive and unrealistic concerns about the future, emotional and physical tension, and patterns of avoidance–avoiding people, responsibilities, or harmless situations,” says Joel Minden, Ph.D.
More often than not, we believe it. Anxiety is so good at diminishing our success to nothing and inflating the smallest setbacks to extreme failures. So if you find that you have a habit of always invalidating your success, then you might want to blame anxiety for that.
Anxiety Constantly Tells You No
Anxiety can put even the most confident people down. It places you at the center of everything, making you believe your actions (or lack thereof) impact other people negatively. At work, you may think that your co-workers are thinking of how incompetent you are. At school, you may feel like everyone is gossiping about you. Even in your house, you may feel unloved. All these feelings can happen even when they’re not the case at all. You can be in a healthy environment surrounded by great people but still, feel anxious.
Anxiety Steals From The Future
While depression borrows from the past, anxiety steals worries from the future even when it’s not happening yet. It feeds off our uncertainty and twists our hope into self-sabotage. Anxiety misleads us by saying that the future is happening now. It plagues us with what-if scenarios we keep making up in our head.
Controlling Your Anxiety
Now that you know how anxiety lies, you now have a better grasp on what to do next. Like with most things, the first step in overcoming anxiety is to acknowledge its presence and be aware of its lies.
Once you are at peace with it, you need to ground yourself slowly back to the reality that you know. It might mean getting in touch with your inner self, surrounding yourself with good friends, listing down the things you should be thankful for, or whatever your coping mechanism is. With this comes zooming out and putting things into perspective, reminding yourself that everything is okay as of the moment, contrary to what your brain is telling you.
Most importantly, remember to be more forgiving to yourself. You are human, and you have a vast margin for mistakes. Just as well, celebrate what you need to celebrate. Your success, no matter how small, are valid. It is okay to let in negative emotions, but do not let them linger. “Sometimes, it’s important to step back and examine what type of accommodations you make to avoid anxiety or to consider how anxiety interferes with your everyday life,” says Amy Morin.
While it takes a great deal of emotional maturity and self-understanding to dissect your emotions healthily, it will surely save you in the long run. Take control of your anxiety. Cheers!
Do you ever wonder what the secret to success is? What do other individuals have that you don’t? Is there really such a thing as the chosen few?
Instantaneously, when people think of creating and integrating significant changes in their lives, the first thing that one could think of is how distant those dreams are and how treacherous the path can be. Looking at challenges and demands at a pessimistic point-of-view can significantly influence the way people mold their future. As what psychologist Emma Seppälä, PhD, pointed out, “If you want to be happier and more successful in life, it’s important to fight the brain’s natural tendency to focus on the negative. Instead, try looking at the world through a positive, self-compassionate mindset.”
To love and to be loved are what most people desire in their lifetime. In some of our relationships, we tend to become selfish, always asking for more. On the other hand, some seem to lose themselves to gain their loved ones. No matter what happens, always remember to only settle for unconditional love. According to Aaron Ben-Zeév Ph.D., “Love is unconditional when it endures despite unfavorable circumstances.”
Often misunderstood, unconditional love is caring about the one you love without expecting something in return. Some people consider it as a utopian, unrealistic idea since we all have our needs of our own. However, it does exist for both familial and romantic relationships. According to John Amodeo Ph.D., MFT, “The ideal of unconditional love is a noble one. We want to be loved as we are, and perhaps we’d like to see ourselves as capable of selfless love.”
You Expect Less And Love More
There are parts of the brain that light up when we have already found unconditional love. These are related to the brain’s reward system. Therefore, if we give or receive unconditional love, it provides us with a sense of fulfillment and nobility.
In loving unconditionally, you do not expect much. It leads to fewer disappointments, less stress, and fewer frustrations. You feel content and happy with simple things. Having the right amount of selflessness in you will surely take you to places.
You can also discover many things you thought you could not do in the past. You become more open, understanding, and empathic towards the love of your life and others. Eventually, you will realize you are already making the most of everything rather than making a fuss out of small things.
You Deserve To Be On The Receiving End
It is crucial to note that giving unconditional love does not equate to one-sided love. It does not mean staying in a toxic relationship. That is unhealthy, which contradicts the objective of what we have been talking about. Unconditionally loving someone is caring about them regardless of circumstances, not how they treat you. “Make space in your life to deliberately reconnect with the loving feelings you have for your partner, even if recent interactions have made you feel distant or angry,” says Melanie Greenberg Ph.D.
To love unconditionally does not mean to give everything the other person wants. It may result in resentment by the one on the receiving end. It is why we encourage you to wait for the right person and the right time patiently. There is no guarantee when, where, and how, but it will be worth it. You know you have found unconditional love when the other person does the following:
- Not shaming or judging you for your failures
- Encouraging you and understanding your fears when you get vulnerable
- Telling you the truth and vice versa
- Forgiving you freely and vice versa
- Not picking fights about petty things nor holding grudges
- Respecting you and aiming for a healthy resolution even when you are arguing
- Not making you feel like you have to prove yourself or your love
- Inspiring both of you to be selfless and to prioritize each other’s needs genuinely
- Getting through hard times and celebrating good times with you
- Accepting and supporting you even on your bad days
- Bringing out the best in you and vice versa
You can only begin to love others unconditionally if you have already stopped changing the way you are. It might sound cliché, but you cannot provide others with what you do not have for yourself. Therefore, the first step to having unconditional love (for others and yourself) is self-love.
We acknowledge how difficult it is to love with no conditions. We are all humans and can only take so much after all. However, it is possible to show and find that kind of love. You deserve to love and be loved unconditionally.
Dealing with excessive hair loss after giving birth is one of the many reasons why new moms go through postpartum depression and require mental help from a psychologist. “Losing your hair — like gaining weight — isn’t some sort of sign of being deformed or inferior,” says John M. Grohol, Psy.D. During the pregnancy stage, after all, the hormones that strengthen the hair are in abundance. Once the baby comes out, the follicles tend to enter the resting phase, which entails that they close for the time being. The result is that you lose strands, and no amount of anti-hair fall products can save you from this problem.
If it’s any consolation, you should realize that it is possible to get thicker hair as soon as your hormones normalize again. Nevertheless, what may give you some peace of mind is the fact that you may now be able to avoid this terrible scenario. Here’s what you can do before giving birth.
1. Know If There Are Pills To Take
Every expectant mother is advised to start taking prenatal vitamins from the moment she learns about the pregnancy. Not only will the supplements allow the unborn child to grow well, but they will also help the pregnant woman feel well during and after the gestation period. Some of the vitamins that doctors offer to mommies are A, B, biotin, C, and E. After all, they allow the blood to circulate better and assist in cell growth. That will strengthen your hair and reduce the chances of it falling off.
2. Do Not Wash Your Hair Often
During pregnancy, it is common for the mother to want to take a shower once or twice every day because you may get hot quickly. That is especially true when it’s summer. You may feel irritated or unable to relax even with the air conditioning unit on if you cannot douse your whole body with water.
The thing is, no matter how many times you bathe every day, you should avoid shampooing your hair often. Put it in a bun or wear a shower cap instead so that it won’t get wet and make you feel like you have to clean it now. Many non-pregnant women wash their hair several times a week as well, and that is because the chemicals in shampoo can dry the hair and scalp. The drier both elements are, the easier it is for you to lose strands before even giving birth, so stay away from shampooing.
3. Prepare A Hair Mask
Beer cannot be made without brewer’s yeast, which practically kickstarts its fermentation process. What’s good about this type of fungi is that it contains riboflavin, folic acid, and biotin – some of the nutrients that pregnant women need to stay healthy.
Since you are not supposed to drink alcohol at this stage, though, it is best to use the brewer’s yeast as an ingredient for a hair mask. You will not have to ingest the yeast; you will apply it on your hair directly. The straightforward application may genuinely help you prevent hair loss as the fungi do not need to go through a lot of sections in the body to reach the follicles and nourish them.
4. Avoid Too Much Hairstyling
Considering the OB-GYN has already discouraged you from wearing makeup during pregnancy, it is possible that you may want to fix your hair at least to feel good whenever you go out. There are a lot of hairstyles, after all, that do not require the use of hairspray and other chemicals. Some experts may be able to do different styles with only a hair dryer or straightener.
What you should remember, however, is that you should opt for loose hairstyles all the time when you are pregnant. Low ponytails and simple braids are ideal at this point. You don’t want to apply extreme heat on your hair because that will increase its brittleness. You don’t want it in a tight bun or dreadlocks either since such styles will add tension to your scalp and perhaps even pull your precious locks.
5. Don’t Stress Yourself Out At Anytime
Stress is everyone’s enemy #1. Many people tend to pull their hair when they are frustrated or stressed out, but it honestly is not necessary because the strands will fall off anyway due to stress.
“Pregnancy can be a stressful time for many women,” according to Renee Engeln Ph.D. Because you are pregnant, though, stress may aggravate your hair-loss issue. For one, your hormones are always changing throughout the pregnancy to accommodate the baby’s growth in the womb. When stress mingles with the hormonal changes, it can make you lose your locks faster than ever.
The only way to avoid that is by paying no mind to the stressors in your life. “Pregnancy, birth, and becoming a parent is a time of physical, psychological, and social changes which require ongoing adjustment,” says Amy Tuteur M.D.
6. Eat Foods With Healthy Fats
Omega 3 and omega 6 are a couple of fatty acids that you can only find in non-human species, namely fish and seeds. Despite that, they are the kinds of fats that the body needs to stay healthy, especially during pregnancy. They can reduce inflammation, promote better blood circulation, and prevent hair loss.
Although it is not advisable to take fish oil or eat raw fish for expectant mothers, you can still get omega 3 and omega 6 by cooking tuna, mackerel, salmon, and other fish. In case you are a vegan, the healthy alternatives are flaxseeds and olives.
7. Try Scalp Massages
Massages are not for the body. You can also ask a masseuse or your husband or kids – whoever is massaging you – to pay attention to your scalp. The reason is that the process will stimulate your follicles and keep them from going to sleeping phase after childbirth. You see, that’s when the hair starts to fall off.
While we’re at it, you can also request for coconut or almond oil to be rubbed on your scalp. These products are not only good for nourishing your hair but also for preventing hair loss more effectively.
When you give birth, and your hormones go back to normal, it is highly impossible not to see some strands detach from your scalp. The hormones are no longer raging, so the follicles need to rest. However, you may be able to avoid losing chunks after chunks of hair when you follow the tips above.
Are you always caught up with so many tasks and activities to do in your life? Do you find it difficult to go home early because you have been swamped with several things to complete at work? Is it your goal to experience mindfulness every minute of the day? If you answered yes to all these questions, then consider yourself lucky because we have decided to talk about how an individual can practice being mindful. “When you practice things like gratitude or mindfulness, your brain creates shortcuts for these skills, making it easier and easier each time you do it,” said Tchiki Davis, Ph.D. Make sure to read the rest of this article.